• Diagnostax

The Detonator Topics of the Accountancy Profession!

Updated: Feb 16

Ding ding.


As humans, we love a good old fashioned tear up now and again, hey?


Nowadays, that’s usually when on the screen of your smart phone…where even the dweebiest amongst us can turn into a ten pint, keyboard warrior style Tyson Fury on a bender, ready for an emoji bear knuckle fight after the touch paper is lit with a volatile topic.

Every now and then, the same is true in this wonderful accountancy profession when online. All it needs, is the right topic as a catalyst.


Topics that resemble a petrol bomb of Brexit, with poured on acid for good measure…

So, in the spirit of laughing at ourselves, as well as each other, here is my to tongue in cheek, top ten rundown of “The Detonator topics of the accountancy profession”.


It’s like an anarchy riddled, punk esk version of Top of the Pops, but well, more crap.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy 😁.

No 10. COMPLIANCE: 

“Is dead”.

Cracker.

Soooooooo 2/3 seasons ago, though.

Seriously, get with the programme peeps.

Compliance today? Vogue 😎…always actually.

Mark my words, outside the top ten this time next year.

No 9. MTD

Boooorinnng.

Sorry, all content on it, however good, sends me all Kevin the teenager, so bloody bored with it 😳.

I’d much rather look at a cat video 😳. That said, MTD still causes tasty debate.

No 8. CLOUD ACCOUNTING: 

There are proponents for and against.


And the comments section on Accounting Web following some articles can, on the odd occasion, perfectly resemble the type of debate Jay from the Inbetweeners would have with a bus stop W#%*~!


Let’s call him Dan: “You’re about as fully digital as a platinum badge and shoebox of receipts”.


Let’s call him Derek: “Well at least I’m not a fully digital Xero worshiping W#%*~!”

🙈, oh crikey.

No 7. NICHING

I spoke to a bloke in Scotland and his exact words were, “I dernier want to f#%kin niche Gwil. I’m in the middle of nowhere. I just want to work with people I like and do good”.

So to clear up the debate around Niching, I’ve provided some examples of different types of Niches below, specifically 3.


No 1: Industry Niching i.e. an Accountant who specialises working with businesses who sell adult toys. This Accountant probably has a mission which goes something like “We count rabbits, your clients get….”….you finished that sentence in your mind, not me 😉🤣.


No 2: Mindset Niching ie an Accountant who only works with clients who have a “growth mindset” (🤔 wtf does that mean?), well in the modern era…all the new start ups that raise loads of cash, dilute equity and control in the process, spend it all on really shite marketing they don’t measure / evaluate just to “be seen”, for a market that isn’t yet mature enough and…never listens to customers or develops their product(s) / service. Then goes bust after a few “pivots”. Rightly or wrongly, blames their accountant. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.


No 3: “D%#*head Niche”…as in don’t work with them. Nice one👌.

No 6. PRICING: 

Now and again there can be a keyboard warrior style kick off on the correct way to price accountancy services.


Method 1 – Pull your finger out your arse, stick it in the air, guess.


Method 2 – Spin the wheel Bruce Forsyth style and see what it lands on.


Method 3 – Leave it to the partner Dave, who puts the “C” in commercial as well as something ending in “ock”. It doesn’t really matter that he’s a psychopath; that no one else can price in the firm; or he could get knocked over by a bus next week. Dave does the business.


Method 4 – Time: All the best songs are long, Queens Bohemian Rhapsody, Brian Adams Everything I do, I do it for you…Soooo let’s price on time….


Method 5 – Value Pricing: Stick the word “value” with anything and it causes debate because we all think differently 😁. Badass topic this…an absolute corker for a dust up.

I could go on and on and on. But what’s the problem? I really don’t see what all the debate is about…

No 5. ACCOUNTING SOFTWARE WARS: 

The accountants equivalent of Robot Wars, how good was that show, hey?

Robot wars with a tribe like vibe of an Old Firm match, or, with the cultural battle lines of an El Classico.


There is almost a religious undertone. The churches of Xero, Intuit, Sage…that Zoho Books thingy and errrr…well thingy, etc.


Some of us are “all in” and look as Blue as Mel Gibson in Braveheart but without the shite accent.


Others act like we’re on Love Island and go through the full array on offer in a single accounting season.


Alas, free love I say, but we can all agree, a topic that sparks battle lines!

No 4. ADVISORY:

I’m just gonna reiterate my point well made, at least I think so anyway, in this article …This is a more divisive word and lacks the same amount of substance as the Donald Trump Slogan “Make America Great Again”.


And just as in America, after 50% of the profession (software vendors and accountants alike) originally road the crest of that wave, everyone suddenly looked at one another a year in and thought, “what the f%^k does it actually mean?”.


We have debates about what it means; what it entails; whether it’s actually worth it; pretend we do it; convince ourselves we do it (on one client); actually do it, have always done it. Whatever it is…😁.

No 3. OUTSOURCING/ ONSHORING/ OFFSHORING:

All it takes, is for someone to drop the “O” word and then some dastardly dialogues, cocky questions and serious statements get made, like…


1 ) “These are all the same things 👆, right? Oh they’re not? Flip!”

2 ) “I can control an employed Jeanette better than Janit…all employees are great and all Outsourcers are shit…or is it visa versa? Or is it a mix? Or does it just depend?”

3 ) “But where’s the data?” It’s in those fluffy things in the sky…” so where are they?”….

4 ) “They didn’t get my shit instructions, processes, systems, methodologies, training and non-existent feedback though?” Is that your employees you’re talking about there or the Outsourcers? Sorry Offshorers. Soz Onshorers…ah mannnnnnn🙈.

No 2. EQUALITY & DIVERSITY: 

Seeing as I’m still young enough to not be classed as a grey haired middle aged man. And I was brought up by a strong working woman, who suffered with MS and epilepsy her entire life, is currently having her knee replaced so is currently disabled…


…and has a patch over one eye, is deaf, and half way through her life had a sex change from Miles to Margaret…

…I’m confident that I’m completely qualified to give my thoughts on this topic, whenever, wherever….speak to my agent.


First para is true, thanks to Good for Men.

Second paragraph is a great story and yet false, but you get the gist.

Anyway’s…..I love a good equality and diversity debate.

Truth is they need to be had, still.

So let’s keep having them.

Fight, fight, fight…👏👏👏👏👏👏

No 1. YOURS TO FILL:

Honestly….I couldn’t think of 10…bloody accountants, you bunch of “love in’s” you…..so I’ll let you fill this void in the comments and credit it to you 😁.

Suggest away peeps (FYI, that’s people if you had to ask, like I once did).

CONCLUSION: 

Sooooo….I hope you enjoyed this not so serious 😁, tongue in cheek take on some classic detonator topics. If not, let’s have a good old fashioned emoji tear up about it 🤬😠🥊.

My concluding point is this. I love these debates as they are healthy in an intelligent and open community of free speech, opinions and healthy debate.


As humans, we also love to love, something that’s reflected by the awesome, loving, “hey Jude”, shot/pint/Chardonnay downing, slightly crazy…but ever so talented community of accountants I speak to on calls, in meetings, in masterminds, focus groups, conferences and events.


May both aspects of human nature continue to thrive, entertain and prompt thought, reflection and innovation in years to come.


I salute you, you keyboard warriors of the accountancy profession you 😘😍🍻 🥂.

UPDATE: we had lot’s of comments on the article with other suggestions. I asked for contributions and our first so far is:


Dermot Hamblin who correctly pointed out we had missed App Advisory 😱. Dermot kindly wrote the following which is ace!


APP ADVISORY 

So, you’ve been in business for 20 years, you’ve never sold any IT advice or software, but because you’ve been to London twice for cloud software conferences, you’re now an IT expert. I mean you’ve got 2 T shirts and a stress ball as swag, so you’re definitely an IT guru.


All this cloud software, it’s so easy, all you do is login and the software appears. It’s not like the old days, where you had 35 diskettes to install MS Office – that was boring, and those IT resellers employed 18 year old geeks.


The next step on my IT journey is to drop the suit and tie and wear a jacket and jeans. I’ll have to ask for a few more T shirts, to complete the app advisor look. Oh, and grow a beard.

No need to worry about having IT skills, change management experience or data skills in house, one email to the support line will solve any troubles. Then we can make loads on training.


Love this software lark, always knew it was easy money. Happy Days.

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