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An accountants guide to ‘effin’ new accounting job titles

You’ve got to giggle 🤭 at some of the job titles in the Accountancy Firm of the Future 🙈.

But, it’s no laughing matter.

So, in an effort to support the profession and give back some value, here’s my rundown of the roles you need in your Firm of the Future…

(1) Accountant Gurus, Ninjas, and Rockstars

Just being an accountant isn’t good enough anymore, jeeees get with it already! Seriously, it’s not like these titles are from the 80’s or 90’s or anything 😳.

(2) Digital Overlord

Mark my words, the current job title of “Cloud Accounting Lead” – a common trend in all larger Accountancy firms – will soon be upgraded to Digital Overlord. This upgraded job title will quite rightly happen once the larger firm properly backs the current “Cloud Accounting Lead” to convert all of the “difficult” partners’ clients onto #Xero…maybe even just let’s them have a convo 😊. This is a far better alternative than simply “buying” a Platinum Partner Xero status and hoping that it will all “fall into place”; especially versus the small progressive firms who adopted Xero 5 years ago and, rumour has it, can get Xero to dance 🕺as well as Dexter for their clients. That’s Xero’s Dexter, not the serial killer.

(3) Software Support

Accountants are bombarded and bullied into buying so much software, that by the time they’ve finished, they need counselling. So, the “software support” role steps in to provide much needed counselling during that moment of crisis when you realise you’ve bought 5 shiny new things, that have cost you a ridiculous amount of money and you can’t use them because you ain’t got time. Damn that buying spree you went on after one too many beers at #Accountex 🍻!

(4) Agile Project Manager

Basically, this is the operations manager of the future who is uber responsive and interactive to get what’s essential done ASAP…and constantly bangs on about scrums. If you don’t know what a scrum is, seriously, get with it…it’s when 16 big blokes cuddle and smash into one another🏉, drrrrr.

(5) Technical Evangelists

Okay, so…there’s people in large firms that don’t like change and that find breaking the status quo uber hard. So, when you are looking to roll out the new shiny cloudy thingy, you need to drum up support and enthusiasm for it. So, they are like the internal PR or campaign manager for the software the firm has bought that sits sad and lonely…….never even turned on.

(6) Cloud on-boarding specialist

This is simple. Experts who onboard new clients to cloud accounting software. The important bit is in the word “specialist” as let’s face it, there are loads of cowboys out there imitating this specialist role who have made a right old hash of onboarding clients, only for another specialist, most likely from a small fully digital firm, to take over and show them how it’s done…why?…because they were the innovators / early adopters and all their clients have been digital since 2014 😎.

(7) Marketing Growth Hacker

Amazing 16-year-old digital marketing apprentice who once got a million likes on an Instagram post. She could achieve the same exposure for you in your business but Roger, the longest serving partner, thinks “marketing” is about prettifying a flyer and won’t be taken outside of his comfort zone, which is ironic, considering he’s nearly dead.

(8) Digital Prophet

F*ck knows 🙄. Predicts the fact that compliance actually will die when the robots actually do take over. Sounds like a douchebag, right? Note to self, never employ a Digital Prophet.

(9) Futurist

An even bigger douchebag and more up to date version of the Digital Prophet. Same note to self.

I thought Glenn Martin of Avery Martin Accountants and Business Advisors summed it up perfectly, “Anyone who describes himself as a “futurist” and is not an actual time traveller deserves a solid kick to the nuts.”

(10) Human

I keep hearing and reading about being more human and it’s started to make me seriously doubt, whether I am in-fact a robot and not actually human? Like, I’m seriously worried about this. So, for the avoidance of doubt, make sure you employ only humans. Aliens, Robots, AI etc make crap accountants.

(11) NEW ENTRY! Accountancy Hacker (thank you John Toon, Beevers and Struthers)

“Disappointed to see accountancy hacker doesn’t make it onto the list. I went to an event the other day where 2 life/personality hackers presented on non verbal communication skills. This might work in trendy London but in East Lancashire most people see through the bollocks.”

Soooooo..hope you enjoyed. Post anymore ideas in the comments.

If you like this article, you might also enjoy, ‘The World’s Weirdest Tax Rules‘.

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