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  • Writer's pictureDiagnostax

The Top Ten Load of B#!locks Buzzwords of the Accountancy Profession

Updated: Oct 18, 2022

I’ve sat, observed, been educated, listened, spoken, made lots of mistakes, had lots of bloody fun and now this is my personal, very tongue in cheek, top ten run down of the load of b#!locks buzzwords of the accountancy profession.

If you can think of any that I’ve missed, feel free to add your own in the comments.

(10) The holy trinity of Bitcoin, Blockchain, Crypto:

Sang, out loud, and danced, to 2 Unlimited’s No Limits… “No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no there’s no crypto…crypto, crypto, crypto, crypto”. Yep, that’s an actual song, in my head 😳.

Now apparently, I have it on good authority, that these three things are ALL, the same 🤔🙈. Errrrr… clearly these are more buzzwords that stem from confusion.

As such, I’d highly recommend speaking to Aynsley Damery who can provide “Clarity” on this issue.

Why? Because these things are actually quite cool for us to know about 😎.

(9) Making Tax Digital or MTD

Boring. As. F*^k. Stop talking about it.

(8) Artificial Intelligence

No one knows what this means. Seriously.

For the sake of clarity, it’s means the robots are coming and we need to kill them quickly before they take over 🙈.

Or, we could watch all the videos of that 13-year-old boy who talks more sense on the topic than any fully grown adult I’ve listened to:

(7) Automation:

In the words of Simon Sinek I think the “start with why” of this is often missed, being…the process of taking over and speeding up the boring as sh!t things we have to do as a businesses, so we actually can free up time we currently pretend we have but really don’t, to focus on the cool things, like actually communicating with real people/clients, talking over proper coffee and jammy dodger biscuits, or if you are my accountant, beer and pizza.

(6) Cloud Accounting:

A magical place in the sky, where tax returns float around in the shape of dragons, and balance sheets are checked over by teeny tiny elves. Dominated by the new beautiful God known as Xero, who has recently slayed Sage Slytherin.

Now, saying you “do this”, used to provide a competitive advantage, but now that anyone can buy a platinum partner badge and pretend they know what they are doing (unlike those who do like the small mighty fully digital firms from “back in the day” or the “new order” of fully digital solopreneurs) your competitive advantage by perception, ain’t as great as it used to be. So, what’s next for you mighty and fully digital peeps?

(5) Social Media Strategy:

I once posted a blog on LinkedIn where we talked all about “us”.

I once tweeted about Derek “our” expert tax partner, he’s really cool you know.

I once posted a picture of “my” amazing life on Instagram.

None of it worked though 🤔. No one gave a f*^k about ME, ME, ME.

Surprising that, mate 😳.

(4) Tech Champion:

These people are legends. But I feel sorry for them, because they receive absolutely no support and are not backed by any real leadership or strategy in most larger firms.

Seriously, why don’t you just leave Donald and Vader behind and set up your own fully digital soloprenueur or Owner Managed business innovator mini-empire? Break free from those shackles you tech champ you 👊🏼.

Either that, or ask for a big pay rise or partnership and a guy named Flanagan (not the comedian Micky) to come in and help you knock some heads together.

One of the two, as in the words of Jennifer Aniston in the Loreal Advert, “you’re worth it” 😘.

Disclaimer: I’m trying to get a mate who is a Tech Cloud Champ a pay rise 👌.

(3) “Human”

As Rag’n’Bone Man sort of said:

“…Maybe I’m foolish Maybe I’m blind Thinking I can see through this And see what’s behind Got no way to prove it So maybe I’m blind But I’m ALREADY human after all I’m ALREADY human after all Don’t push this buzzword on me”

Now, I actually REALLY like the meaning behind this word. Why? Because I believe the best advisors are those that really care, show empathy and can step into their client’s shoes.

However, this word is being sooooo overused that it’s starting to become the new “Trusted Advisor” or “Advisory” and, I actually like the meaning behind it, so feel like I have to start campaigning to prevent that from happening 🙏.

(2) Trusted Advisor:

Accountants have factually always been this person.

It’s a well-known fact that if, under a Homeland style lie detector test, you asked clients ‘do you trust your Doctor, IFA, Solicitor, HR Director, Window Cleaner, Husband, Wife’, they’ll say or think “hell no”.

On the other hand, if you ask the same client whether they trust their accountant they’ll say and think “yes”.


(1) Advisory:

This is a more divisive word and lacks the same amount of substance as the Donald Trump Slogan “Make America Great Again”.

And just as in America, after 50% of the profession (software vendors and accountants alike) originally road the crest of that wave, everyone suddenly looked at one another a year in and thought, “what the f%^k does it actually mean?”.

In the words of Ricky Wilson from the Kaiser Chiefs, “I predict a riot” if the word is even muttered at this year’s Accountex 😁.

Sooooo, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. If you can think of any more then please add in the comments.

If you enjoyed reading this, I’d highly recommend reading “An Accountants Guide to Effin New Accounting Job Titles”.

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